APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
==============================================
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history,
lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.
NAME______________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________
HEIGHT____________ WEIGHT_____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________
SOCIAL SECURITY #____________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES_____________________________________________
HOME ADDRESS__________________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP_____
Do you have ONE male and ONE female parent?__________
If NO,
explain_____________________________________________________________
Number of years parents have been married________
If less than your age, Explain___________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________
Do you own:
a van?_____
A truck with oversized tires?_____
A waterbed?__________
A pickup with a mattress in the back?______
A condom?______
Pornography?_______
Do you have:
earring, nose ring, or a belly button ring?________ A tattoo?___________
(IF YES TO THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES)
In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?________________
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER, mean to you?
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?
_____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________
Church you attend_________________________________ How often?_______
When would be the best time to interview your father, mother, and
priest?_____________
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are
confidential. (that means I won't tell anyone EVER)
A: If I were shot, the last place I would want to be shot would
be________________________
B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my
___________________
C: A woman's place is in the______________________________________
D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about
is_____________________________________________________________
E: When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first
is______________________
NOTE: if answer E begins with T or A, discontinue. Leaving premises
while keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is
advised.
What do you want to do IF you grow up? __________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________
What is the current going rate of a hotel room?__________________________
Condoms come in packages of (circle one)
A: 3
B: 6
C: 9
D: 12
E: ALL OF THE ABOVE
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO
THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,
NATIVE AMERICAN ANT-TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE
WATER TORTURE, AND RED HOT POKERS
_______________________________________
Signature (that means sign your name moron)
Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for
processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved.
Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and
it would cause you injury) If your application is rejected, you will
BE NOTIFIED BY TWO GENTLEMEN WEARING WHITE TIES AND CARRYING VIOLIN
CASES.
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